Take charge of what you control

He was one of the best dentists in Prague then, close to impossible to get an appointment with.

I was lucky.

I still remember waiting in the dentist’s chair, quite uncomfortable. You see, getting Novocain was considered a luxury back in the eighties in my home country – the drilling was therefore a quite painful experience.

It all reminded me of the years of “government preventive care program for schools” we went through during elementary school. 

That terrifying knot in my stomach

The one that appeared every time we got hoarded (class of about 30 kids) during the school hours to the dentist’s waiting room. Every 6 months kind of exercise. Never announced ahead of time so the kids couldn't stay home to avoid it.

I could still hear (and feel) the sounds of the drill and scared cries of my classmates,  the “lucky ones”, already inside.  (Hope you caught my sarcasm here). We all had to sit through it. Whoever was going last had the privilege of listening to it for nearly half a day.

The school dentist had pretty sadistic tendencies. She enjoyed freaking us out with her wicked, twisted, “Come on, it’s not that bad!!!”  (you looser, the tone of her voice said).  Yeah, I would say a torturer, a butcher, not a dentist. You could only dream about a sticker or a treat reward. The reward was to get out as fast as you can.

Here, I said it. I wasn’t some frightened chicken, but I HATED dentists with all my heart. Who would blame me after years of that? Who enjoys pain!?? And if you ever had a tooth being drilled into or pulled out without first getting it numb, you know what I’m talking about.

Yet, this Prague’s doctor years later was quite different

I also wasn’t a child anymore. He asked me if I would be OK without the injection. He wanted to be able to feel how and where my tooth reacts to the touch. Not an exciting prospect, but I said sure. At least he gave me a choice, a sense of some control over my destiny. And I didn’t want to be seen as weak.

He must have noticed my reluctance, how uncomfortable I was, and asked if I was scared. I wouldn’t say scared. Scared is when you don’t know what’s coming, and I had a pretty good idea. I also knew it was a temporary pain I have gone through before and survived.

So I told him, “yeah, kind of”.

What Doc. Domansky said next I never heard before (in my twenties!!!) and it stayed with me for the rest of my life.

“Vera, I’m sure you can withstand much more pain than you could ever even imagine.”

My first reaction was – whaaat, is he nuts??? Then, out of nowhere in that stressful moment, my mind kicked in the opposite, heroine mode, “Hell yeah, of course, you could! You’re not some fragile butterfly!!!! You have gone through pain before!!”

That’s what he did for me. I decided right there and then that I’ll take it and take it like a champ.

And I did.

A year later, I went through the pain of dental surgery. And a back surgery. And then another back surgery and the pain of recovery and rehabilitation. And then lumbar fusion. Three surgeries in the same spot, screws & rots. Far from fun. Lots of nerve damage and more pain. I was reminded of his words many times over since that first dental visit in Prague, back in 1986-ish.

Doc Domansky’s encouraging words never lost their power for me.

That's the thing - it isn’t just words

Spoken at the right time, words can raise or destroy your confidence.

He did that for me. It’s been more than 30 years and I’ll never forget it. I'll never forget him. He gave me the strength I didn’t know I have because he pointed it out to me. He didn’t let me doubt myself. He did for me what my parents never did.

He has awoken that power in me

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

 A Photo by Jens Lindner on Unsplash

When you focus on what you CAN control, and take action, you are in control, flexing YOUR power.

When you focus on what you can't control, you’re powerless which brings on anxiety and hopelessness.

Politic & economic climates, your boss' business decisions, stranger commenting something insulting, someone's opinion of you, or how others feel about you – are all either completely out of your control or you have almost no control over it.

The more space you allow it in your mind (rent-free), the less control you have. The less bandwidth you’re allowing in your own mind for happiness, creativity, choices, love, satisfaction, fun, peace, and joy. Which has a better ROI for YOU?

Your power 

The only thing you can TRULY control is your breath, your own behavior, your OWN decisions, and the choices YOU make.

You control whether or not you work out today, what you eat, who you surround yourself with, what do you read and watch, how do you spend your time.

It’s your decision how much love you give to others, how compassionate you are, what you share and don't, your attitude walking in the door, how you show up for others, how you react to something aggravating, (or if you react at all), how hard you work, what boundaries you draw with people  ...

All YOU

When you feel depowered or discouraged, think about which powers you gave away in the past – or right now. Which powers can you take back RIGHT NOW without asking or proving a point to anybody?

It’s a sad place to be in if you don’t have the power. I remember how it felt when I let others define me, label me. Someone tells you what you should or “what you’re good at” and based on that, you create your own limiting stories. Before you know it, your life is being lived based on someone else's "prescription". No wonder it doesn't feel right.

Instead of taking charge you work harder, push yourself more, keep solving the wrong problems. It creeps in as procrastination, perfectionism, indecisiveness, loss of motivation, overanalyzing, questioning everything, lack of focus - which freezes you further from becoming your best.

You keep talking yourself out of ideas because … the label. That’s what happens when you give away your own power and forget what you’re capable of... or don't have anybody to remind you of it. You lose yourself in the process.

If you’re in that place now, I feel you!

Be encouraged today!

Everything is going to be OK. You’re worthy. You’re enough as you are right now. Remind yourself WHO you truly ARE. If needed, write down how far have you come already. What have you overcome? Remind yourself how much you have already acomplished. Take CHARGE.

It’s the sweetest place to be. It’s where true joy, love, peace, and happiness reside. You don't need anyone's permission for that. That’s when you feel that what you do MATTERS.

You are more powerful than you know.